Saturday, January 23, 2010


This was later.  But I want to tell it anyway.  I lied to Ma all the time.  I was only sometimes where I was supposed to be, other times, I was anywhere I wanted to be.  That's just how it is when your left on a short leash and you get the scent and feel for a little freedom.

I had wildness in me like you wouldn't believe.  And passion.  As a teen-age girl, I wanted nothing to do with that cubbyhole of an apartment.  I wanted air.  And breath.  And life. 

Even moms forget that, what it's like to be young.  Oh, they think they know; even come back to it later in life, when they're recounting their stories, hoping to pass something on; but they forget when it really matters, when their own daughters are burning.

A lot of the times, it was just a matter of getting outside.  Sure, I got outside whenever I wanted, but there are rules to follow and those rules say, "Don't stay out after dark."  I grew up in the '80s.  Remember that?  We were afraid for our candy.

Anyway, a friend of mine lived close enough that we could walk and meet-up half way.  We'd swing by the Stop-N-Go for an ice cream sandwich and ogle the curly-headed guy working the counter. 

Then, we'd head down the street to nowhere.  Nowhere really was the underside of an overpass along a busy road.  In case you noticed a trend, I have a fascination with bridges.

We'd climb up the steep concrete  underside and make a home of rushing cars and passing bicyclists and evening walkers.  It was as good as confession up there.

I don't think anything ever got figured out.  Seems it was probably a route to boy-talk and angst.  But we all have our places we like to go, don't we?  They may even be places right there out in the open where nobody is looking, like hiding a Christmas present under the bed.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

What Little Boys Are Made Of

The first time I fell in love I was wearing a borrowed red sweatshirt with a hole in it.  The boy wore a similar shirt and we flirted across a volleyball net.  I was six.  You can imagine how important this was.

Ma and I were at some farm.  A friend of our neighbor's was having a party.  I think Mary wanted to get Ma out of the house for a little fun so they invited us along.  That may have been the night I realized my affection for farms and barns and haylofts.  It could have been the boy.

There was another girl there, a few years younger than me.  She hung around us too, but we didn't pay her much attention after a while.  We ran through the yards, ate the ice cream and swung from the tire swing.  I always did like a good tire swing.

Greg, the boy, was strawberry blond and freckled and two years older.  He made up jokes.  I blushed.  He put his arm around me.  I giggled.

Evening showed up as she always does, so pretty in the summer.  Ma took a tour of the farm.  We went with, chasing through the hayloft, finding quiet.

Greg got close then, looked at me so seriously, "Do you wanna kiss?"

"Okay," I said and he leaned in.  It was just a little peck on the lips, a little boy's peak into the real thing.

He must have had big brothers.  He must have known something, at least.  "We have to lay down," he said.

"We do?"

"Yeah.  If I'm going to kiss you we have to lay down."

"Someone might see us," I said.

We bobbed our heads around the corner.  The adults were lost to us.  "Okay," I said and lay down.  He crawled on top of me, closed his eyes and again, a little peck.

That night we drank lemon aid in a stranger's living room.  Somebody took our picture.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Reaching in my pocket and coming up with lint

You want to know something stupid?  I can't tell you a good damn thing about most of my sisters and brothers.  I sure can't tell you what it was like to live with them, because most the time, I didn't.  That's the thing about being the youngest in a hurricane of offspring, at some point they make a jump all willy-nilly and sometimes, they don't make a show of coming back.

Unless, maybe, every time they come back is a show.

Seems to me I can't write a story about my family if I can't talk about my family, not with any acute knowledge, that is.  So, I'm just going to sit here every now and then and write a few things down, leave a little tangible evidence of my presence, stir it up once-in-a-while and see what kind of story to make of it.

You understand.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

That Would Be Telling

I'm sure if I found some misspelled, grammatically incorrect, thoroughly embarrassing school project 20 or so years after the fact and transcribed it in all it's agonizing glory for you to read, it could be construed as a self-flagellation of sorts.  I'll do it anyway.  As you can see, I have little pride.

My Inheritance

by Little Me

I inherited my big mouth, thick hair, and nearsightedness from my mother.  My father also gave me nearsightedness so I guess I'm pretty well stuck with it.  I got my temper, my hight, and my sister said skinniness from my dad.  When I have my child I would like him or her to be skinny, tall, and have thick hair.

I really don't have any medical traits I have inherited.  I think the only thing is needing glasses.

I really am a "mutt" as my dad called us because we come from all over.  My mom was mostly from Germany and my dad was from Englad, Irland, and Holland.

My mom doesn't work but my dad works at G.M.A.C.

I really don't know what my family structure is it's very different.  I live with my mom so it's only my mom and me at home.  I go visit my dad everyother weakend from Saturday-Sunday.  My dad is remarried and I have two step-sisters, Dawn and Dianna.

I don't know how I would change my family structure but I know I would.  I think I would like my mom to get remarried and have maybe a stepsister or brother at home so it wouldn't be like I was an only child.  I also wouldn't go to my dad's Every other weakend because I have other things I would like to do but my father has a way to make me feel guilty.

The family structure of my ansesters on both sides of my family were nuclear.  When my family makes decisions by usually asking me how I feel but some important decisions are made without me.

In the future I would like to have a nuclear family structure.  I think it would be to hard to be a single parent and I would like my children and there father to be together.

In my mom's family their was three girls and my grandma & grandpa.  In my fathers family their were 7 children and mom & dad.

In my future family I want to have 2 children.  One boy and one girl.

We don't really have any rituals or traditions but we usually have most of my brothers & sisters come to our house for Christmas.  We have been doing this for about 6 years.  After my parents got devorced.