Thursday, May 13, 2010

Give me a memory of junior high (middle school)

Exercise #7 from Old Friend From Far Away

How to French Kiss with a Pop Bottle

My sister, all grown up and married with kids, thought it'd be a great idea to have a Halloween party at her place.  Sure, of course, sounds perfect, great. 

We papered the mache, stacked the corn stalks, dumped dry ice in a plastic cauldron and made s'mores bars out of cereal, marshmallows and chocolate chips.

The party would do double duty--she'd have her friends, I'd have mine.  Mine were all girls, tween style and tittering.

Early on we took to the Ouija board and a dark little bedroom where we tried to contact Sid Vicious.  Fingers played around the pointer, always someone pushing, denying, pushing, giggling.

Eventually some woman came in, I think her name was Sue, I didn't know her. Maybe she worked for the county with my sister moving the elderly from bed to bed, any guess is good.  There's nothing an adult likes talking about more with young girls than boys, especially a drinking adult. 

Sue warmed herself up to us.  Who did we like?  Did we go on dates?  Titter.  Have we kissed a boy?  Titter titter.  Then came the instructional, "You know, it's a good idea to practice first."

Uh, okay. How do we do that, then?  

"You can practice on a pop bottle.  You have to kiss it and don't forget to use your tongue."

The tittering was out of control by this point.  There was no going back.  The entire Halloween was tinted with soda pop fizz. After the party died down we girls sat in the living room giggling around an empty Coca-cola bottle and gave instruction to my sister's video camera.  Married now with 2 kids, I think it was pretty poor advice. 


  1. It's funny how we have memories as kids that we wouldn't approve of our kids having. Having it as your own, you can look at it knowing what became of it. I can say that if I hear of an adult giving my daughter that advice, I'll have a problem with it. It does make a good story though. Things like that always do.

  2. Knowing what I do I expect to be a very nervous parent of teenagers.

  3. Now I apologize again for not visiting more often! This is hilarious!We practiced ON OUR HANDS. I am not sure when I learned about the tongue involvement, but it wasn't until later. I DO remember after learning about the birds and bees from my mother, I asked her, "Why would anyone want to DO that? It's like going to the doctor!" molly

  4. haha! that's such an interesting practice method...i'd never heard that one. i was always told to practice on my hand or pillow (which, embarrassingly enough i did try a few times in the past)but i always wondered if that was effective LOL. anyway, great post/story. where do you find some of these exercises?